Please someone help confirm that I am not alone in struggles with dating

 26M

Now I hate to categorize myself and my behavior based on a single test, but goddamn does reading all of the forums online on how INTJs fail so hard at dating make me want to just blame my personality for being so shite at dating even though I know it's unrealistic to do so.

I've never had a girlfriend or any sexual experiences, and I would frankly say that I have put myself out there countless times. I haven't really put much thought into why I have a poor dating life until I recently got a good job and really have honed in on figuring out why I'm apparently emotionally idiotic.

I asked a couple of my friends around, and they gave me a solid 6/10 all around. They claim my downfall is having too high of expectations and I can agree with that. But some of the women I've went on first dates on weren't exactly 10/10s but to me were amazing people to be around. The fact that I'm even landing dates means I'm doing something right, right??

Some of these first dates from Tinder/Hinge go great, and I follow up maybe a day or 2 later to continue the conversation from the date, and then it gets stale really quickly then I suddenly get ghosted?? I leave them a text, so the ball is in their court and I don't want to seem overly pushy so I don't text them back. Then it starts to drive me nuts because I contemplate what the fuck I'm doing wrong in this situation that is making them lose interest in me. It could be that they have their own life circumstances and such, but this has happened too many times to be a coincidence.

What's bothering me the most is that the longer I stay single with no relationships, the more it seems like a red flag to people. I've asked my friends before and they see absolutely no red flags (unless maybe all of us have the same red flags lmao)

I feel like I dial down as much blunt remarks as possible during dates and such and keep conversations as light and flirty yet interesting as possible. I guess I don't really know what to do afterwards? Can someone please enlighten me or share some stories/advice?

Edit: For those reading, I'm really sorry if I come off as abrupt or insensitive to your advice/stories. I'm just extremely frustrated right now, but I genuinely appreciate each and every post. - pensenjohnson

Dating app culture is atrocious in my opinion. Imagine always having an accessible promise of an ideal match in your back pocket, do you ever fully commit to making what you have now work? Do you try to see the good, or hone in on the bad? It's no wonder people today develop a checklist of stringent requirements straying further from the reality of actual human beings.

Rather than learn to compromise and accept others as they are, people that hedonistically use these apps are always seeking the idea of something better, because they're gonna find the perfect person right? One sign of trouble and oohhh, I can hop right back on the market. Apps have commodified people and now everyone is always competing, sex is devalued - relationships are devalued. Capitalism only works if we can rely on people to make good decisions, but it's also a little difficult when all you see is a few photos and a one liner, isn't it? Not to say apps are only bad, there is definitely some good that comes of it.

All my male friends who have used dating apps have echoed your experience - ghosted, catfished, toxic people, narcissists, etc. With that said, I don't think you need to give up on apps entirely, but I would sincerely suggest to try to meet people outside of apps in addition.