Random Questions and an INTJ's Reflections

  My boyfriend (21 INTJ) has become more affectionate ever since our deep talk last night. He was extremely surprised by my ability to read people, including himself (I'm an ENFJ). He said something like "damn you really know me, I think I made a really good decision dating you" (we've been dating for 2 months). I'm guessing he was really touched by the fact that someone can finally see through/understand him? So I'm wondering what are the moments that make INTJ decide "damn this girl is a catch"?  - hukunamatataa I would describe my fiance as a mature, healthy ENFP, take that for what you will. I saw a lot of traits in her that I wanted and admired, mainly how socially adept and fun-loving she was; people genuinely love her and she genuinely loves people. She has sincere interest in learning about others and wanting to help, on a level that I could never see myself having; but she definitely pulled me out of my comfort zone and helped me grow in tha...

 I (24F) am an ENFP-A and most of my relationships - including friendships - have been with other ENFP types (as far as I know). I keep hearing that ENFP is best suited to INTJ and INFJ, but I can't wrap my head around why. I'm becoming increasingly curious about the ENFP/INTJ or ENFP/INFJ match up, so it would be great if anyone could share their ENFP/INTJ success story. What works about your relationship, why are you drawn to ENFPs, how do you even meet?! I feel like I'm such a social butterfly and I mostly only ever meet other extroverts - I wouldn't even know where to start find my "ideal match", so it's hard to understand the logic behind why they're ideal. - anonymousfiza I met my SO at a coffee shop. I would describe her as a developed (has worked on or acknowledged her weaknesses) and mentally healthy ENFP. Part of why I feel we work is because of our differences, not despite them. I used to think I wanted someone who was the same, with the sa...

 I'm more like a fixer than think outside the box... whenever I've seen something that's need to be fix i came up with an ideas to recreate it a new design but other people think my ideas isn't origin, so, it kind of hurts... i tend to doubt myself all the time whenever people perspective is different from me. - Revolutionary-Rub578 In general, I don't think INTJs are inherently good at coming at a problem from different angles as we often don't entertain the "out there" suggestions and brush ideas off (that may have otherwise had good potential) with relative ease due in part to ego. We are good at solving problems, but we don't always have the best solution, only what we perceive to be the best at the time. I don't have an opinion on which MBTI does this the best, but I strongly believe you find the best solutions when you work with a group of people of differing personalities and perspectives. Simply because multiple views will always have ...

 How does dating for an INTJ usually go? I've noticed that I like to start out just spending time as friends to gauge compatibility, but on the other hand, I like to know very early on what a relationship looks like to them, how they like to be treated / how they'd treat me, and whether they're as Type A as I am so that I'm not wasting time on something that won't work out anyways. How have y'all found a balance between those two extremes and learned to be okay with just going with the flow while casually dating? (If it provides any context, I'm gay so I definitely feel some extra pressure to figure things out.) - user9224 I asked my SO out the first day I met her and gauged compatibility as we were dating, that's what dating it. Some of my INTJ friends are far too passive with women, always making excuses. It's the primal attraction and forces that INTJs sometimes have to learn to embrace and be spontaneous, rather than sit back and form a plan even...

 Most of us (INTJs) have spent our entire lives honing our skills of people watching. We mentally document everything there is to document about a person. We study you. We can’t help it. It is just who we are. We watch how you do things, how you interact with others, how you speak, how you dress, how you carry yourself, how you respond to certain situations and scenarios all the while, documenting your facial expressions, micro expressions, mannerisms, habits, quirks, you name it. If any of these items are out of whack, not inline with our own morals and codes, we write you off immediately or set up boundaries that keep the toxicity at bay. Traits like these are why it is nearly impossible to lie to an INTJ. Between our ridiculously on-point intuition and our way of noticing when even the smallest of details have changed or are “off”, we can usually pin point exactly what type of questions to start asking. This is the real reason we do not have a ton of friends or even care to have...

  I tend to get peeved and irritated when other people do obnoxious things in general. Often times it can affect my mood and I'll think about it all day. Maybe its more rumination, not sure. Anyways, how can I become indifferent to the things happening around me and not let them affect me? -  tutankhamun7073 Reframe your perspective, it's you that's losing when you get irritated and angry and trivial things. Trying to understand others by realizing that how you perceive things will be different from others and not always correct. You should ask yourself why the actions of others affect you so much? Let's say that I see multiple perspectives and choose to act by the one that has the least suffering for others while the most benefit for me and try to make it as close to neutral as possible. In my eyes if everyone choses to behave in that way - all of us will have a better life. So given this explanation, my problem would be that people who benefit from the suffering of o...

 So just wanna discuss this a moment. After debating a couple people around this recently it occurs to me that we don’t always explain what we mean with the “wish I was dumber” or “wish everyone else thought like us” posts. I can’t say I want to be dumber, or that I think I am smarter than most, although sometimes it feels that way. What I think we mean to say, especially after reading another post about nihilism and remembering how I felt before I had more happiness in my life, is that we wish our mind wouldn’t think to the level that makes things seem depressing and pointless and/or overwhelming at times. And to the second point about being smarter it often just feels like we think more deeply and have a “meta” perspective that most people that I talk to can’t seem to grasp as hard as I try to explain it. We can step back from our own mind (at least I think this is an INTJ thing) and view our own thoughts and have thoughts about those. Other people can’t seem to think this way. W...

  If yes, how? For example, from the minute I meet someone, I start thinking whether they may be friendable or dateable in the future? I'm constantly evaluating their characteristics and bucketing them into which ones may be deal breakers for me. Is this necessarily a bad thing? - joe9nov I think it makes us a little close-minded to try to put people into specific boxes, it's a little egotistical to do so before we really get to know someone well. The constant judging and assumptions limit our ability to view and perceive people, ideas, and things as they are instead of where they come from. It's natural we do this a little, as long as we're mindful that we aren't racing to too many potentially false conclusions. I think most people start judging others within the first moments of meeting them, seems normal. Again, it's just about how quickly and reasonable the conclusions we're jumping to are. Ask yourself how long someone needs to know you until you've...

 When it comes to work and academics, I’m usually straightforward, abrupt, and direct. I don’t like to diddle-daddle and make friends “on the job.” I just want to get my work done and not be bothered. And, quite frankly, I don’t get paid enough for the work I do. I know the products more than 95% of the company, and I wasn’t promoted because I “don’t talk to [them] enough.” People who don’t know even half that I do were promoted because they’re social butterflies, and they would always come to me for help surrounding the product. I switched departments so I can be more involved with the customers instead, and that’s when the pressure of improvement forced me to put on a mask. Now that people see me as this hardworking, “perfect” asset, everything I do is scrutinized. I was threatened to be written up for a very, very tiny mistake that customers won’t see. It’s only because it annoyed the person who reviewed it. And now that I take a step back and observe this situation all over aga...

 I think it appropriate to explain the scope of our relationship and situation first, before presenting the question. My wife and I are very close. Though we are almost completely opposite of each other on every level, we found in each other a depth of relationship that far exceeds that of any other relationship I've been in or seen in others. When it's just us 2 it seems the world is close to harmony. By now I can surely tell that, aside from our relationship, she would be happiest alone. That's where she finds her contentment when away from being us. I on the other hand, have a stronger want and sometimes need for social interaction both including and excluding her. When we have an argument I have a tendency to withdraw my emotions or become irritated and sometimes angry. This results often in a delayed emotional response that takes a few hours at least to uncover itself or it turns into resentment if I don't deal with it properly. Mostly depending on her response and...