Random Questions and an INTJ's Reflections

 I like to have a tidy and orderly house and we let it go a little due to ongoing construction. Yesterday, my husband was out of town and I spent the evening cleaning. At the end of the day, I walked around the house looking at my work, acting like a sassy voguing queer than I am, congratulating myself for work well done, approving of how the blankets are folded and pillows arranged. All while striking poses. When I caught myself during the act, I chuckled and decided to pull the footage from our security cameras to send to my husband as an example of how ridiculously I act when alone. I reviewed the footage and in the video I literally do NOTHING of sorts! No poses! No gestures! I just walk back and forth and glance at things. Maybe there’s some expression change on my face but absolutely nothing of my body movement would suggest any sort of emotion not to mention striking poses! My husband is an INFP and struggles with separating his feelings from feelings of others. With me, how...

 " Honest, honesty and honesty. Please, when you answer, try to be honest based on your own internal feelings, not what you have been taught by society or what you think you should say because it just 'feels right in front of others. Just to let you know, wanting to be in control, doesn't make you a horrible person, it's how you behave when you are in control is what make you horrible or not. There's always a leader in every relationship, house, whether consciously or subconsciously. ​ I personally, had relationships with INFP, ENFP, ISFJ, and ENFJ. They all wanted to be led. They ASKED for it, they love it, whether sexually or in life, it gives them a sense of security, in fact, it's a turn-off for them if they had to feel like a man in the relationship and those types specifically, they end up breaking up after a year or two if they don't get this particular dominance. With that said, they might stay for other personal reasons, but this will always be a v...

Often times they say you need to be in relationship to share the happy experiences with someone etc .... Idk , I've never felt that need, I hardly celebrate what I find to be typical achievements anyway, I certainly don't like being watched and cheered on and stuff. I like to keep my happy places private weirdly. Like that episode on Bojack Horseman when Diane told Mr PB about her dream room , but then when he built it she was mad , because it was better inside her head. I don't want to share the things that make me happy so that another person can attach hopes and expectations of them for me. I like to about things myself. I don't wanna be forced to be excited. Are there those who share these sentiments?  -  taviSTakahashi You feel that way NOW, who's to say it won't change a few months, a few years, 10 years from now? It's been in my experience that most "loners" don't actually enjoy being alone (at least for an extended period of time), they...

Everyone is always saying that a lot of the things I do are so “hard,” but I honestly don’t ever see anything as hard. It’s just about how much time I’m willing to put into a project or something. idk if I’m making sense but just wondering if any other INTJs can relate - whowantlasagnayaga In this case I think it's more about mindset and perception. I'm a fan of this thought process as well because it leans toward being proactive and productive as opposed to passive and complacent. I try not to think of things or concepts as "hard". This line of thinking serves to mentally move our goals or wants further away from being attainable because we've now labelled it. It's now so much easier to say, "That's too hard", rather than, "I can do it". We have to remember that everything is relative and what is "hard" for some, is "easy" for others, likely because they've put time into getting good at it, or maybe they're...

 I sway slightly towards pessimism, but I've been making efforts and have swayed more towards optimism; it's been a great experience to learn from my SO who is predominantly an optimist. I think balance is optimal. Too pessimistic and you become a cynical, tunnel-visioned, asshole that no one likes to be around because you can never see good in anything - but always pointing out what's WRONG. Too optimistic and you can become an impractical dreamer and start to ignore reality, causing potential missteps or wasted time. It's easy for the INTJ to focus on the bad/reality of things, every pessimist I've met will call themselves a realist to rebrand or deny that reality. It's our comfort zone to be critical of everything, but sometimes it's just not applicable or wanted/needed and we need to learn to search for the good even if it's not immediately apparent to us. For me personally, I like to be around fun-loving people who don't take things too seriousl...

  I tend to get peeved and irritated when other people do obnoxious things in general. Often times it can affect my mood and I'll think about it all day. Maybe its more rumination, not sure. Anyways, how can I become indifferent to the things happening around me and not let them affect me? -  tutankhamun7073 Reframe your perspective, it's you that's losing when you get irritated and angry and trivial things. Trying to understand others by realizing that how you perceive things will be different from others and not always correct. You should ask yourself why the actions of others affect you so much? Let's say that I see multiple perspectives and choose to act by the one that has the least suffering for others while the most benefit for me and try to make it as close to neutral as possible. In my eyes if everyone choses to behave in that way - all of us will have a better life. So given this explanation, my problem would be that people who benefit from the suffering of o...

 So just wanna discuss this a moment. After debating a couple people around this recently it occurs to me that we don’t always explain what we mean with the “wish I was dumber” or “wish everyone else thought like us” posts. I can’t say I want to be dumber, or that I think I am smarter than most, although sometimes it feels that way. What I think we mean to say, especially after reading another post about nihilism and remembering how I felt before I had more happiness in my life, is that we wish our mind wouldn’t think to the level that makes things seem depressing and pointless and/or overwhelming at times. And to the second point about being smarter it often just feels like we think more deeply and have a “meta” perspective that most people that I talk to can’t seem to grasp as hard as I try to explain it. We can step back from our own mind (at least I think this is an INTJ thing) and view our own thoughts and have thoughts about those. Other people can’t seem to think this way. W...

 Just had my 3rd quarter review. It’s all positive. I’m good at my job and I’ve learned the people skills to pass with flying colors. I am very new to the agency though and my boss kept saying things like ‘well you’ll learn this, you’ll learn that’ on things that I’ve been doing for six months and several times phrased my work as being creditable to him (In fact he was actually given compliments on his work on this project we were doing, and every aspect that was complimented were things I had done, so it’s not just in his head, he’s telling his bosses and taking credit but that’s a different story.) I don’t need praise for doing my job or even doing it well, I don’t even want praise because it’s meaningless from someone I don’t respect, but I also don’t need you to think I still have to learn something I’ve been doing. It implies that he won’t be moving on to training in new things because he thinks I have to go over the basic stuff still. And what sucks is that he does actually h...

  If yes, how? For example, from the minute I meet someone, I start thinking whether they may be friendable or dateable in the future? I'm constantly evaluating their characteristics and bucketing them into which ones may be deal breakers for me. Is this necessarily a bad thing? - joe9nov I think it makes us a little close-minded to try to put people into specific boxes, it's a little egotistical to do so before we really get to know someone well. The constant judging and assumptions limit our ability to view and perceive people, ideas, and things as they are instead of where they come from. It's natural we do this a little, as long as we're mindful that we aren't racing to too many potentially false conclusions. I think most people start judging others within the first moments of meeting them, seems normal. Again, it's just about how quickly and reasonable the conclusions we're jumping to are. Ask yourself how long someone needs to know you until you've...

 When it comes to work and academics, I’m usually straightforward, abrupt, and direct. I don’t like to diddle-daddle and make friends “on the job.” I just want to get my work done and not be bothered. And, quite frankly, I don’t get paid enough for the work I do. I know the products more than 95% of the company, and I wasn’t promoted because I “don’t talk to [them] enough.” People who don’t know even half that I do were promoted because they’re social butterflies, and they would always come to me for help surrounding the product. I switched departments so I can be more involved with the customers instead, and that’s when the pressure of improvement forced me to put on a mask. Now that people see me as this hardworking, “perfect” asset, everything I do is scrutinized. I was threatened to be written up for a very, very tiny mistake that customers won’t see. It’s only because it annoyed the person who reviewed it. And now that I take a step back and observe this situation all over aga...