INTJ Thoughts

 26M Now I hate to categorize myself and my behavior based on a single test, but goddamn does reading all of the forums online on how INTJs fail so hard at dating make me want to just blame my personality for being so shite at dating even though I know it's unrealistic to do so. I've never had a girlfriend or any sexual experiences, and I would frankly say that I have put myself out there countless times. I haven't really put much thought into why I have a poor dating life until I recently got a good job and really have honed in on figuring out why I'm apparently emotionally idiotic. I asked a couple of my friends around, and they gave me a solid 6/10 all around. They claim my downfall is having too high of expectations and I can agree with that. But some of the women I've went on first dates on weren't exactly 10/10s but to me were amazing people to be around. The fact that I'm even landing dates means I'm doing something right, right?? Some of these fi...

Hi there! I’m an ENTP (29F) asking about an INTJ (41M). Long story short, we dated for two months, then continued to stay in touch for three months (I got stranded in another country due to sudden travel restrictions). About a month ago (while I was still away) his mom suddenly got diagnosed with cancer, she’s going through treatment now. I returned back, we had a wonderful week together then broke up. (To sum up: he can’t focus on the relationship right now, but I’m still ‘very valuable’ to him and he hopes that some day after this is over we find ourselves on the same page and give it another go). We’re good friends now. I love him, and I never felt so attracted to anyone else. I’m not so sure we’ll end up together due to some other lifestyle differences. I don’t want to do anything that might hurt our chances at that though. Is becoming FWB now a bad idea? He’s sooo attractive, especially ‘the stare’ lol. I’ll most likely move away in three months so it’s temporary. I’m not sure if ...

 I'm more like a fixer than think outside the box... whenever I've seen something that's need to be fix i came up with an ideas to recreate it a new design but other people think my ideas isn't origin, so, it kind of hurts... i tend to doubt myself all the time whenever people perspective is different from me. - Revolutionary-Rub578 In general, I don't think INTJs are inherently good at coming at a problem from different angles as we often don't entertain the "out there" suggestions and brush ideas off (that may have otherwise had good potential) with relative ease due in part to ego. We are good at solving problems, but we don't always have the best solution, only what we perceive to be the best at the time. I don't have an opinion on which MBTI does this the best, but I strongly believe you find the best solutions when you work with a group of people of differing personalities and perspectives. Simply because multiple views will always have ...

 How does dating for an INTJ usually go? I've noticed that I like to start out just spending time as friends to gauge compatibility, but on the other hand, I like to know very early on what a relationship looks like to them, how they like to be treated / how they'd treat me, and whether they're as Type A as I am so that I'm not wasting time on something that won't work out anyways. How have y'all found a balance between those two extremes and learned to be okay with just going with the flow while casually dating? (If it provides any context, I'm gay so I definitely feel some extra pressure to figure things out.) - user9224 I asked my SO out the first day I met her and gauged compatibility as we were dating, that's what dating it. Some of my INTJ friends are far too passive with women, always making excuses. It's the primal attraction and forces that INTJs sometimes have to learn to embrace and be spontaneous, rather than sit back and form a plan even...

 Most of us (INTJs) have spent our entire lives honing our skills of people watching. We mentally document everything there is to document about a person. We study you. We can’t help it. It is just who we are. We watch how you do things, how you interact with others, how you speak, how you dress, how you carry yourself, how you respond to certain situations and scenarios all the while, documenting your facial expressions, micro expressions, mannerisms, habits, quirks, you name it. If any of these items are out of whack, not inline with our own morals and codes, we write you off immediately or set up boundaries that keep the toxicity at bay. Traits like these are why it is nearly impossible to lie to an INTJ. Between our ridiculously on-point intuition and our way of noticing when even the smallest of details have changed or are “off”, we can usually pin point exactly what type of questions to start asking. This is the real reason we do not have a ton of friends or even care to have...

  I tend to get peeved and irritated when other people do obnoxious things in general. Often times it can affect my mood and I'll think about it all day. Maybe its more rumination, not sure. Anyways, how can I become indifferent to the things happening around me and not let them affect me? -  tutankhamun7073 Reframe your perspective, it's you that's losing when you get irritated and angry and trivial things. Trying to understand others by realizing that how you perceive things will be different from others and not always correct. You should ask yourself why the actions of others affect you so much? Let's say that I see multiple perspectives and choose to act by the one that has the least suffering for others while the most benefit for me and try to make it as close to neutral as possible. In my eyes if everyone choses to behave in that way - all of us will have a better life. So given this explanation, my problem would be that people who benefit from the suffering of o...

 So just wanna discuss this a moment. After debating a couple people around this recently it occurs to me that we don’t always explain what we mean with the “wish I was dumber” or “wish everyone else thought like us” posts. I can’t say I want to be dumber, or that I think I am smarter than most, although sometimes it feels that way. What I think we mean to say, especially after reading another post about nihilism and remembering how I felt before I had more happiness in my life, is that we wish our mind wouldn’t think to the level that makes things seem depressing and pointless and/or overwhelming at times. And to the second point about being smarter it often just feels like we think more deeply and have a “meta” perspective that most people that I talk to can’t seem to grasp as hard as I try to explain it. We can step back from our own mind (at least I think this is an INTJ thing) and view our own thoughts and have thoughts about those. Other people can’t seem to think this way. W...