Random Questions and an INTJ's Reflections

 How does dating for an INTJ usually go? I've noticed that I like to start out just spending time as friends to gauge compatibility, but on the other hand, I like to know very early on what a relationship looks like to them, how they like to be treated / how they'd treat me, and whether they're as Type A as I am so that I'm not wasting time on something that won't work out anyways. How have y'all found a balance between those two extremes and learned to be okay with just going with the flow while casually dating? (If it provides any context, I'm gay so I definitely feel some extra pressure to figure things out.) - user9224 I asked my SO out the first day I met her and gauged compatibility as we were dating, that's what dating it. Some of my INTJ friends are far too passive with women, always making excuses. It's the primal attraction and forces that INTJs sometimes have to learn to embrace and be spontaneous, rather than sit back and form a plan even...

 Most of us (INTJs) have spent our entire lives honing our skills of people watching. We mentally document everything there is to document about a person. We study you. We can’t help it. It is just who we are. We watch how you do things, how you interact with others, how you speak, how you dress, how you carry yourself, how you respond to certain situations and scenarios all the while, documenting your facial expressions, micro expressions, mannerisms, habits, quirks, you name it. If any of these items are out of whack, not inline with our own morals and codes, we write you off immediately or set up boundaries that keep the toxicity at bay. Traits like these are why it is nearly impossible to lie to an INTJ. Between our ridiculously on-point intuition and our way of noticing when even the smallest of details have changed or are “off”, we can usually pin point exactly what type of questions to start asking. This is the real reason we do not have a ton of friends or even care to have...

  I tend to get peeved and irritated when other people do obnoxious things in general. Often times it can affect my mood and I'll think about it all day. Maybe its more rumination, not sure. Anyways, how can I become indifferent to the things happening around me and not let them affect me? -  tutankhamun7073 Reframe your perspective, it's you that's losing when you get irritated and angry and trivial things. Trying to understand others by realizing that how you perceive things will be different from others and not always correct. You should ask yourself why the actions of others affect you so much? Let's say that I see multiple perspectives and choose to act by the one that has the least suffering for others while the most benefit for me and try to make it as close to neutral as possible. In my eyes if everyone choses to behave in that way - all of us will have a better life. So given this explanation, my problem would be that people who benefit from the suffering of o...

 So just wanna discuss this a moment. After debating a couple people around this recently it occurs to me that we don’t always explain what we mean with the “wish I was dumber” or “wish everyone else thought like us” posts. I can’t say I want to be dumber, or that I think I am smarter than most, although sometimes it feels that way. What I think we mean to say, especially after reading another post about nihilism and remembering how I felt before I had more happiness in my life, is that we wish our mind wouldn’t think to the level that makes things seem depressing and pointless and/or overwhelming at times. And to the second point about being smarter it often just feels like we think more deeply and have a “meta” perspective that most people that I talk to can’t seem to grasp as hard as I try to explain it. We can step back from our own mind (at least I think this is an INTJ thing) and view our own thoughts and have thoughts about those. Other people can’t seem to think this way. W...

 Just had my 3rd quarter review. It’s all positive. I’m good at my job and I’ve learned the people skills to pass with flying colors. I am very new to the agency though and my boss kept saying things like ‘well you’ll learn this, you’ll learn that’ on things that I’ve been doing for six months and several times phrased my work as being creditable to him (In fact he was actually given compliments on his work on this project we were doing, and every aspect that was complimented were things I had done, so it’s not just in his head, he’s telling his bosses and taking credit but that’s a different story.) I don’t need praise for doing my job or even doing it well, I don’t even want praise because it’s meaningless from someone I don’t respect, but I also don’t need you to think I still have to learn something I’ve been doing. It implies that he won’t be moving on to training in new things because he thinks I have to go over the basic stuff still. And what sucks is that he does actually h...

  If yes, how? For example, from the minute I meet someone, I start thinking whether they may be friendable or dateable in the future? I'm constantly evaluating their characteristics and bucketing them into which ones may be deal breakers for me. Is this necessarily a bad thing? - joe9nov I think it makes us a little close-minded to try to put people into specific boxes, it's a little egotistical to do so before we really get to know someone well. The constant judging and assumptions limit our ability to view and perceive people, ideas, and things as they are instead of where they come from. It's natural we do this a little, as long as we're mindful that we aren't racing to too many potentially false conclusions. I think most people start judging others within the first moments of meeting them, seems normal. Again, it's just about how quickly and reasonable the conclusions we're jumping to are. Ask yourself how long someone needs to know you until you've...

 When it comes to work and academics, I’m usually straightforward, abrupt, and direct. I don’t like to diddle-daddle and make friends “on the job.” I just want to get my work done and not be bothered. And, quite frankly, I don’t get paid enough for the work I do. I know the products more than 95% of the company, and I wasn’t promoted because I “don’t talk to [them] enough.” People who don’t know even half that I do were promoted because they’re social butterflies, and they would always come to me for help surrounding the product. I switched departments so I can be more involved with the customers instead, and that’s when the pressure of improvement forced me to put on a mask. Now that people see me as this hardworking, “perfect” asset, everything I do is scrutinized. I was threatened to be written up for a very, very tiny mistake that customers won’t see. It’s only because it annoyed the person who reviewed it. And now that I take a step back and observe this situation all over aga...