Random Questions and an INTJ's Reflections

Dating can be a struggle for INTJs I think. We aren’t particularly social and don’t like chatting very much. We don’t like loud bars and clubs, there’s too much going on. What are some dating strategies that have worked for you? Apps? Meeting people at classes or work? Smoldering in the corner of the bar like James Bond?  -  TheAdmirablePepys The strategy is to become more socially adept. You can only do this by interacting with people, get some extrovert friends who will help you navigate, expand your network, and pull you in to social activities - join events, volunteer groups, etc. Smoldering in the corner only works if you're James Bond or a woman. Unfortunately, you only gain experience by DOING things, thinking about them will only get you so far. Desensitize yourself to rejection, then ask women out, don't wait more than a month, the sooner the better. IMHO OLD is mostly shit and the type of people you will find on there aren't candidates for LT relationships (in g...

Often times they say you need to be in relationship to share the happy experiences with someone etc .... Idk , I've never felt that need, I hardly celebrate what I find to be typical achievements anyway, I certainly don't like being watched and cheered on and stuff. I like to keep my happy places private weirdly. Like that episode on Bojack Horseman when Diane told Mr PB about her dream room , but then when he built it she was mad , because it was better inside her head. I don't want to share the things that make me happy so that another person can attach hopes and expectations of them for me. I like to about things myself. I don't wanna be forced to be excited. Are there those who share these sentiments?  -  taviSTakahashi You feel that way NOW, who's to say it won't change a few months, a few years, 10 years from now? It's been in my experience that most "loners" don't actually enjoy being alone (at least for an extended period of time), they...

 I (24F) am an ENFP-A and most of my relationships - including friendships - have been with other ENFP types (as far as I know). I keep hearing that ENFP is best suited to INTJ and INFJ, but I can't wrap my head around why. I'm becoming increasingly curious about the ENFP/INTJ or ENFP/INFJ match up, so it would be great if anyone could share their ENFP/INTJ success story. What works about your relationship, why are you drawn to ENFPs, how do you even meet?! I feel like I'm such a social butterfly and I mostly only ever meet other extroverts - I wouldn't even know where to start find my "ideal match", so it's hard to understand the logic behind why they're ideal. - anonymousfiza I met my SO at a coffee shop. I would describe her as a developed (has worked on or acknowledged her weaknesses) and mentally healthy ENFP. Part of why I feel we work is because of our differences, not despite them. I used to think I wanted someone who was the same, with the sa...

Everyone is always saying that a lot of the things I do are so “hard,” but I honestly don’t ever see anything as hard. It’s just about how much time I’m willing to put into a project or something. idk if I’m making sense but just wondering if any other INTJs can relate - whowantlasagnayaga In this case I think it's more about mindset and perception. I'm a fan of this thought process as well because it leans toward being proactive and productive as opposed to passive and complacent. I try not to think of things or concepts as "hard". This line of thinking serves to mentally move our goals or wants further away from being attainable because we've now labelled it. It's now so much easier to say, "That's too hard", rather than, "I can do it". We have to remember that everything is relative and what is "hard" for some, is "easy" for others, likely because they've put time into getting good at it, or maybe they're...

 I sway slightly towards pessimism, but I've been making efforts and have swayed more towards optimism; it's been a great experience to learn from my SO who is predominantly an optimist. I think balance is optimal. Too pessimistic and you become a cynical, tunnel-visioned, asshole that no one likes to be around because you can never see good in anything - but always pointing out what's WRONG. Too optimistic and you can become an impractical dreamer and start to ignore reality, causing potential missteps or wasted time. It's easy for the INTJ to focus on the bad/reality of things, every pessimist I've met will call themselves a realist to rebrand or deny that reality. It's our comfort zone to be critical of everything, but sometimes it's just not applicable or wanted/needed and we need to learn to search for the good even if it's not immediately apparent to us. For me personally, I like to be around fun-loving people who don't take things too seriousl...

 26M Now I hate to categorize myself and my behavior based on a single test, but goddamn does reading all of the forums online on how INTJs fail so hard at dating make me want to just blame my personality for being so shite at dating even though I know it's unrealistic to do so. I've never had a girlfriend or any sexual experiences, and I would frankly say that I have put myself out there countless times. I haven't really put much thought into why I have a poor dating life until I recently got a good job and really have honed in on figuring out why I'm apparently emotionally idiotic. I asked a couple of my friends around, and they gave me a solid 6/10 all around. They claim my downfall is having too high of expectations and I can agree with that. But some of the women I've went on first dates on weren't exactly 10/10s but to me were amazing people to be around. The fact that I'm even landing dates means I'm doing something right, right?? Some of these fi...

Hi there! I’m an ENTP (29F) asking about an INTJ (41M). Long story short, we dated for two months, then continued to stay in touch for three months (I got stranded in another country due to sudden travel restrictions). About a month ago (while I was still away) his mom suddenly got diagnosed with cancer, she’s going through treatment now. I returned back, we had a wonderful week together then broke up. (To sum up: he can’t focus on the relationship right now, but I’m still ‘very valuable’ to him and he hopes that some day after this is over we find ourselves on the same page and give it another go). We’re good friends now. I love him, and I never felt so attracted to anyone else. I’m not so sure we’ll end up together due to some other lifestyle differences. I don’t want to do anything that might hurt our chances at that though. Is becoming FWB now a bad idea? He’s sooo attractive, especially ‘the stare’ lol. I’ll most likely move away in three months so it’s temporary. I’m not sure if ...